ok I think I fix it..
what I did was just go some directory’s up relativly
<?php require('./../../../wp-blog-header.php'); >
This just goes 3 directories up, where wp-blog-header.php is located.. gonna keep testing to see if there are any problems.
I’m planning on distributing this theme so I guess it will keep working as long as the user does not move files around
still not sure why <?php define('WP_USE_THEMES', true); require('./wp-blog-header.php'); ?>
works with index.php though