404 Error on All Posts and Pages with XAMPP 1.8.2

I’m trying to mirror one of my sites to my local machine for development purposes, and I’m stuck right at the end. Having followed the directions from here, here, and here, I’ve got the homepage loading perfectly and access to everything from the Dashboard.

However, none of the posts or pages, or even categories or tags, will load. Whether I click the link from the site or from the Posts/Pages list in the Dashboard (which populates fine), I get dumped to “https://localhost/xampp/splash.php”, which is the XAMPP logo asking me what language I want to use it in.

Now, here’s the really weird part. If I disable my theme and go back to Twenty-Twelve, all of the posts display just fine (pictures, embeds, everything), but only on the homepage. If I click any of the post URLs (e.g. https://localhost/aarbdev/2013/06/28/lake-placid/) or a page URL (e.g. https://localhost/aarbdev/current-issue/) it bounces me right back to the XAMPP splash screen. The same goes for a direct link to tag or category (e.g. https://localhost/aarbdev/category/qotd/).

I can even publish new posts, which will appear on the homepage as they should, but which then behave the same way: leaving me at the XAMPP screen if I go to the direct URL. Any thoughts?